MISSION

First, I want to say that I have Bipolar Disorder (I was diagnosed at 15 and am currently 29), I have a "duel diagnosis" as I also have PTSD, borderline OCD and Severe Anxiety Disorder, which makes me one of the hardest kinds of patients with Bipolar to treat. I am very passionate about this subject and helping others with this illness. I want to help others and hope they can feel that I understand because I have been there, they are not alone and they are not "crazy".

There is a large stigma surrounding mental illness. Most people, at some point in their life, have either been afflicted with a mental illness (this even includes bouts of atypical depression) or affected by it via someone they know with a mental illness, like friends and family. Unfortunately there is not enough known about mental illness to properly diagnose an individual which leads to misdiagnosed or undiagnosed illnesses. I aim to help raise awareness about Bipolar Disorder and mental illness in general. I aim to educate people about these topics. I aim to raise money to fund research for Bipolar Disorder and other mental illnesses.

I have been writing a book for three years about Bipolar Disorder and what it is like to deal with it on a daily basis. It's in it's final stage now - the editing stage and will be published within the next year to year and a half. I have read many books about my disorder, mostly for my own education but I now use what I have learned in the informative aspect of my book. From the books I have read, I decided to write my book from the first person perspective because of all the books that I read (and I have read a lot), only three were written by a person suffering with the illness. I felt alone and that everything was so clinical until the first book I read by a person who has my illness. I want to help others with my book through information and my own personal experiences, demons and battles with the illness.

I am afflicted and I fight to educate! I fight to help others know that they are not alone! I will share news, educate, updates on myself and my endeavors and invite you to share as much as you like as well. Let's Raise Awareness!!

I currently have a fundraiser page for NAMI at crowdrise, another for lindnercenterofhope.org at youcaring and will soon have a page/site for my own nonprofit organization where all money raised will go towards research for Bipolar Disorder alone as well as awareness materials and presentations. I will also soon be creating shirts and other items to raise money for Lindner Center of Hope and to help fund making the nonprofit official.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Birthdays and Fits - UNEDITED VERSION (pre-novel editing so you get the raw deal) - Originally written in November 2010

I ACTUALLY WROTE THIS TWO WEEKS AGO BUT NEVER GOT AROUND TO POSTING IT.....YOU'LL SEE WHY LATER IN THE POST.


It started out as a good week.  The 15th was my birthday, I went to the doctor the day before and got a refill on my prescription for my anxiety meds THANK GOD.  The day of my birthday I didn’t do much, I didn’t go out partying like I normally do, but I did make sure that I was to be seen.  I got all dressed up in the dress I bought just for my birthday, my tiara, my new necklace from Andrew, my “Kiss Me it’s My Birthday” button, and my velvet lace up cuffs that had purple satin on the ends and black feathers over the sides.  All I did was go shopping for a few things here and there at a few different stores in town haha.

I felt like a star for the day.  Every place I went to people would notice the tiara and comment on it and then I would tell them it’s my birthday and of course ensued the birthday wishes, or people would notice the button and wish me happy birthday.  The highlight of my day is when I went to the dollar store.  I got out of the car and there was a group of four guys standing near the shop.  One of them nodded at me so I nodded back.  Then he waved so I waved back.  So of course as I was walking towards the doors I gave a sexy saunter.  I guess they must have come in to the store soon after me because the guy who waved ran into me in one of the aisles and started chatting me up.  There was flirting and what not.  I told him I was engaged but that didn’t stop either of us.  It was fun.

The next day I spent at my grandmother’s house where Andrew fell in love with her dog Tessa a Lhasa Apso/Poodle mix, a.k.a. LhasaPoo.  I told her about the engagement and she was happy.  I took photos of her gorgeous flowers, Andrew managed to capture photos of a Hummingbird and a Cardinal in the backyard, he took photos of Tessa as well.  I got the traditional birthday cash and a book that Grandma had bought but never read.  I was rather excited about this as I collect books of an educational manner.

Then there was Saturday.  It started well but ended in a craptastic way.  I was excited all day about going shopping with Andrew’s mother at this giant goodwill in the next town over.  I found lots of great clothes and books ( Hello Vera Wang for $4.99 ) and I got 25% off of everything since Goodwill sends me a “birthday card” with a discount coupon on it.  The book section is where things got ugly.   People started crowding me and suddenly I could hear every clang and every child in the store.  I wanted to scream out and run, but instead I covered my ears, crouched to the floor, and pretended that I was looking at books when I was really trying to keep myself from hyperventilating.  I ended up being rude to a customer again, what is it with thrift store that makes me angry?  I was trying to get to the other side of the book shelf, but this woman had her cart sideways and was standing between me and the cart.  I said excuse me but she ignored me.  Then a man behind me said “excuse me” to which I could not help but quip “I’d excuse you if I could excuse myself!”  Finally I had enough and we checked out and headed home.

When we got home Andrew’s mother’s boyfriend kept going on about how long we were gone.  I had to bite my tongue this time, but I wanted to snip “What difference does it make how long we were gone?  We were gone and now we are back.  Tada!”.  So I dropped off the bags and then left to go to the dollar store to pick up some things I forgot the other day.  I’m making a right turn at a green light when these hillbillies turning from the left cut me off.  So I flipped them off.  Then they decided to slam on the brakes in front of me right near the intersection on a very busy road.  So I punched the gas and went around them again flipping them off.  I come to the next stop light which is red and when he drives past me again I flip him off and he screams out the window “What the fuck is your problem?!” to which I retorted, or screamed rather, “You Fucking cut me off and you don’t know how to drive!!”.

I do my thing and then go home.  Andrew’s mom asked if I got everything I needed and I said “Yeah all except mosquito stuff”.  Her boyfriend thinks he knows everything and everybody else is stupid so here was a chance for him to do so to me.  I had a mini snap on him; it was more or less just a rude reply.

I couldn’t make dinner for me and Andrew since every burner was being used and there is barely any counter space.  I couldn’t use the computer and hadn’t been able to do so in days as Andrew is either always using in or sitting in the chair in front of it.  The day started good and then turned bad which made me want to flop on the bed and throw a fit like a five year old.  I’ve been taking my pills like clockwork so I have no idea why I feel like schitzo/bipolar/crack head cunt.

© Nina Allen
Posted by at
Labels: , , , , , , ,
Location: Bolingbrook, IL, USA

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)