MISSION

First, I want to say that I have Bipolar Disorder (I was diagnosed at 15 and am currently 29), I have a "duel diagnosis" as I also have PTSD, borderline OCD and Severe Anxiety Disorder, which makes me one of the hardest kinds of patients with Bipolar to treat. I am very passionate about this subject and helping others with this illness. I want to help others and hope they can feel that I understand because I have been there, they are not alone and they are not "crazy".

There is a large stigma surrounding mental illness. Most people, at some point in their life, have either been afflicted with a mental illness (this even includes bouts of atypical depression) or affected by it via someone they know with a mental illness, like friends and family. Unfortunately there is not enough known about mental illness to properly diagnose an individual which leads to misdiagnosed or undiagnosed illnesses. I aim to help raise awareness about Bipolar Disorder and mental illness in general. I aim to educate people about these topics. I aim to raise money to fund research for Bipolar Disorder and other mental illnesses.

I have been writing a book for three years about Bipolar Disorder and what it is like to deal with it on a daily basis. It's in it's final stage now - the editing stage and will be published within the next year to year and a half. I have read many books about my disorder, mostly for my own education but I now use what I have learned in the informative aspect of my book. From the books I have read, I decided to write my book from the first person perspective because of all the books that I read (and I have read a lot), only three were written by a person suffering with the illness. I felt alone and that everything was so clinical until the first book I read by a person who has my illness. I want to help others with my book through information and my own personal experiences, demons and battles with the illness.

I am afflicted and I fight to educate! I fight to help others know that they are not alone! I will share news, educate, updates on myself and my endeavors and invite you to share as much as you like as well. Let's Raise Awareness!!

I currently have a fundraiser page for NAMI at crowdrise, another for lindnercenterofhope.org at youcaring and will soon have a page/site for my own nonprofit organization where all money raised will go towards research for Bipolar Disorder alone as well as awareness materials and presentations. I will also soon be creating shirts and other items to raise money for Lindner Center of Hope and to help fund making the nonprofit official.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Bipolar Diaries pt. 16 - Return to Tinley Park Mental Hospital Part 2 - UNEDITED VERSION (pre-novel editing so you get the raw deal) - Originally written in November 2010

Immediately the doctors at Tinley park decided that I should not be on Klonopin AT ALL so they cut me off of it.  Anybody who takes this knows you are supposed to gradually wean off the med as it can kill you if you just plain stop taking it.  They significantly reduced my Paxil and my Lithium.  This change messed with me so much that after about 6 days I started yelling at the staff and the other patients when they pissed me off.


I had been here before so I already knew how things were going to go and how everything worked.  I also remembered how horrid it was last time because the nurses are bitches (and that’s putting it nicely) and at one point I ended up having to take care of one of the patients because they ignored her.  She didn’t belong there anyway, she needed to be in a nursing home.  I expected it to be just as bad this time, but for the most part it wasn’t.  The nurses were the same but the people were different.  Things did get a little ugly towards the end though.  I'll get to that in another post......

Before I go any further, it must be noted that this place is a state run facility.  It was a wonderful crap hole.  Like I said there were rubber beds and rubber pillows.  The food was horrid and on top of it I’m a vegetarian but the last time I asked for vegetarian meals what I got was rice with salsa on top.  So I just ate what was given to me and I ate everything on my plate so I wouldn’t be so damn hungry all day, plus they watch to see how much you eat.  Ro Ro made a comment that “this is just like Girl Interrupted.  It’s life imitating art imitating life”.  It was very true that we were almost living out the movie.  That place even reminded me of the bit in The Changeling when Angelina Jolie’s character goes to a mental hospital.  It’s a bit creepy really.

Before my groups were set up I waited anxiously for meals as we were always starving.  I was more anxious about my visitors.  Even though they came daily they always seemed to be late and I always cried when they left even though I knew they would be back the next day.  At one point they were running so late I thought they weren’t coming and started to have a panic attack.  When I asked for something to calm me down they refused.   Thankfully Mum brought me clothes and  I asked my fiancée to bring me a shirt that smelled like him and some pics of him too.  Last time I was there I was in the same outfit for days and stinking like hell because even though the facility has clothes for people who don’t have anything to change into, I couldn’t get anybody to help me get anything until 4 days before I left.

I went to all the groups just to make the time pass and in between I spent time with K, J, Ro Ro, and the Serbian stripper.  They had a library there so we got to pick out movies to watch on the weekends.  I had books and word finds that Mum had brought me too.  J and I would sit in our room talking and marking our word finds.  My last weekend there we played Jenga in the rec. room, but there was so much noise I started to freak out.  The groups were boring but I put my two cents in to participate and make things look good for me.  The only issue was when I confessed that I have a fear of going out in public and the person conducting the group pointed out that it was all in my head…as I know this because our mind is everything we are, fear and do.  Not to mention my disorder is a mental illness - a sickness of the mind.  So I know all too well it’s in my head, I just don’t know how to stop it and I really did not appreciate the insinuation that I was being ridiculous.  Ro Ro understood what I was trying to say and was defending me, but the group leader persisted so at that point I yelled out “I’m done talking just move on!”

The Serbian stripper was quite an interesting, and beautiful, creature.  I was quite enamored with her, even from the start when she came into the place like a bat out of hell.  I don’t remember what she was yelling about but she was yelling at the only male technician there.  He had surly demeanor at times and always seemed to be annoyed with the patients and he couldn’t be bothered with us.  So we all watched in awe as she went ballistic on him but we also felt slight gratitude towards her.

© Nina Allen
Posted by at
Labels: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Location: Bolingbrook, IL, USA

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)