MISSION

First, I want to say that I have Bipolar Disorder (I was diagnosed at 15 and am currently 29), I have a "duel diagnosis" as I also have PTSD, borderline OCD and Severe Anxiety Disorder, which makes me one of the hardest kinds of patients with Bipolar to treat. I am very passionate about this subject and helping others with this illness. I want to help others and hope they can feel that I understand because I have been there, they are not alone and they are not "crazy".

There is a large stigma surrounding mental illness. Most people, at some point in their life, have either been afflicted with a mental illness (this even includes bouts of atypical depression) or affected by it via someone they know with a mental illness, like friends and family. Unfortunately there is not enough known about mental illness to properly diagnose an individual which leads to misdiagnosed or undiagnosed illnesses. I aim to help raise awareness about Bipolar Disorder and mental illness in general. I aim to educate people about these topics. I aim to raise money to fund research for Bipolar Disorder and other mental illnesses.

I have been writing a book for three years about Bipolar Disorder and what it is like to deal with it on a daily basis. It's in it's final stage now - the editing stage and will be published within the next year to year and a half. I have read many books about my disorder, mostly for my own education but I now use what I have learned in the informative aspect of my book. From the books I have read, I decided to write my book from the first person perspective because of all the books that I read (and I have read a lot), only three were written by a person suffering with the illness. I felt alone and that everything was so clinical until the first book I read by a person who has my illness. I want to help others with my book through information and my own personal experiences, demons and battles with the illness.

I am afflicted and I fight to educate! I fight to help others know that they are not alone! I will share news, educate, updates on myself and my endeavors and invite you to share as much as you like as well. Let's Raise Awareness!!

I currently have a fundraiser page for NAMI at crowdrise, another for lindnercenterofhope.org at youcaring and will soon have a page/site for my own nonprofit organization where all money raised will go towards research for Bipolar Disorder alone as well as awareness materials and presentations. I will also soon be creating shirts and other items to raise money for Lindner Center of Hope and to help fund making the nonprofit official.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Very Lonely Birthday - UNEDITED VERSION (pre-novel editing so you get the raw deal) - Originally written in November 2010

Sometimes I have mixed symptoms, meaning that whether I am going through a manic phase or I am in a depressive phase I exhibit elements of both.  Which means that my irrationality and lack of self control is always present.  I do things without thinking about it until it’s far too late to stop myself.  Sometimes it feels like a completely different person emerging and doing stupid, dangerous, life threatening or illegal things.  This is mostly because I am not on the right medication.


Due to my stupidity I basically lost most of my family save for my brother and grandmother.  Andrew told me that he has done worse things than I, yet his family has not abandoned him.  This made me realize that it’s possible for family to love you without caring about you.  I have no friends where I live now and really don’t have much of a way of meeting anybody.  Out here I just have Andrew, his mom and my grandmother.

My birthday is next week and I feel so alone.  Normally I buy myself a dress specifically for the occasion along with accessories which most times included a tiara.  Then I’d go to the bar and lots of my friends would show up.  I’d get presents and drinks.  One year I decided to bring two disposable cameras with, one for me and one for the bar for people to take pics of whatever they felt like.  That was definitely interesting.  My birthdays over the last six years have been great fun.  This year…..I feel so alone.

I can’t wait to see how depressed Christmas will make me.

© Nina Allen
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Location: Bolingbrook, IL, USA

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