Once again I can’t sleep.
I usually go to bed with a movie or something on for the background
noise but I felt like this was just going to keep me awake so I shut it
off. Once I shut it off my brain turned
on. Some things are trivial, some things
are negative anticipation, some things are stress over the wedding and the rest
was flashbacks of Kyle.
I’m getting anxiety over having to switch psychiatrists
because I sadly cannot afford the $60 a month co-pay, attempting to get
stronger pain meds (as the ones I am on are mostly Tylenol) from my family
doctor at least for the winter, I have to make an appointment with the neurologist
as my migraines are getting worse and spreading down the side and back of my
head, I have to make an appointment with the orthopedist for my knee….blah blah
blah….
I still haven’t told my real dad that Jake and I are engaged
and, as much as I want to, I’m afraid that when I tell him and my grandmother,
my grandmother is going to initially be happy but then go for the “fat bride”
and just start going in on me about losing weight and what not. I intend to lose weight as I want to be a fit
bride and just fit period, but this is a topic my grandmother focuses on
constantly. Whenever I call or come over
it’s the second thing she brings up in conversation right after “how have you
been”. I even imagined her saying
something and me going on a rant towards her about her issues with things as
she is a judgmental southern woman and then running to the garage to ball my
eyes out. Yeah….that’s how I envision
telling my real dad and grandmother my great news.
I don’t know how to ask my parents to help out with the
wedding. Traditionally, the bride’s
parents are supposed to help pay for at least half of the wedding but I am
BEYOND afraid to ask them and I have no idea when I should do such a thing.
I want money for the wedding gifts rather than getting
registered but really we do need to register for some things and I am just
stuck….I’d rather be able to pay for the wedding vs. having people pay for
certain things we want/need for the house.
And unfortunate of all things that keep running through my
head, I’m having flashbacks. Not just of
Kyle, but of days when I was an alcoholic and previous relationships where I
had seriously made an embarrassment of myself.
I have no idea why *Kevin keeps showing up, but when he does I feel the
same way I did as if I was in that moment all over again…..and these moments
that flashback are not good moments at all – this man nearly killed me twice
and habitually beat me….I was convinced that I was going to die by his hands
before the relationship ended.
Flashbacks of him I need not.
Sedatives aren’t helping me sleep. For two weeks I’ve been up for two days and
then down for 12 hours. I tried just
being in the moment, breathing deep, and mentally repeating “everything is okay
right now, right now everything is okay”.
It worked for a bit and I started to see strange nonsensical images like
I do when I am about to fall asleep and then promptly snapped out of it.
The scene I played out in my head with my grandmother and
the fat thing was when I decided to sit up and list out loud the things that were
bothering me in that moment, the things that built a racetrack in my head at
the time. I knew I wouldn’t be able to
go to sleep as I had already been laying there for two hours so I gave up on
sleep and here I am writing this. I wish
there was a reset button on my brain sometimes.
All thanks to this great herbal doctor who cured me from (LUPUS DISEASE) his name is dr imoloa. I suffered lupus disease for over 8 years with pains like: joints, Skin rash, Pain in the chest, swollen joints and many more. The anti-inflammatory drugs couldn’t cure me, until I read about his recommendation. 2 months ago, I contacted him through his email address. drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com . and he sent me the herbal treatment through DHL courier service and he instructed me on how to drink it for good two weeks. after then, And I was confirmed cured and free at the hospital after taken his powerful herbal medications You too can be cured with it if interested, he also uses his powerful herbal healing medicine to cure disease like: parkison disease, vaginal cancer, epilepsy, Anxiety Disorders, Autoimmune Disease, Back Pain, Back Sprain, Bipolar Disorder, Brain Tumour, Malignant, Bruxism, Bulimia, Cervical Disk Disease, cardiovascular disease, Neoplasms, chronic respiratory disease, mental and behavioural disorder, Cystic Fibrosis, Hypertension, Diabetes, asthma, Inflammatory autoimmune-mediated arthritis. chronic kidney disease, inflammatory joint disease, back pain, impotence, feta alcohol spectrum, Dysthymic Disorder, Eczema, skin cancer, tuberculosis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, constipation, inflammatory bowel disease, bone cancer, lungs cancer, mouth ulcer, mouth cancer, body pain, fever, hepatitis A.B.C., syphilis, diarrhea, HIV/AIDS, Huntington's Disease, back acne, Chronic renal failure, addison disease, Chronic Pain, Crohn's Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Fibromyalgia, Inflammatory Bowel Disease, fungal nail disease, Lyme Disease, Celia disease, Lymphoma, Major Depression, Malignant Melanoma, Mania, Melorheostosis, Meniere's Disease, Mucopolysaccharidosis , Multiple Sclerosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Alzheimer's Disease, bring back relationship spell. Contact him today and get a permanent cure. contact him via... email- drimolaherbalmademedicine@gmail.com /whatssapp-+2347081986098.
ReplyDeletewebsite-www.drimolaherbalmademedicine.wordpress.com